dry eyes

– [What You Like]이기광 –

School is in full swing. Actually not yet. I’ve only had one day of actual work done, so everything else is in the introductory stage. But I’m still confused as to what I’m going to do. I’m not entirely awake when I have class in the morning. I’m not ready to be organized. I don’t even know if I’m going to use my planner properly, but I will in the beginning of the year.

I should probably join something this year, so I don’t just go straight home after school. During table tennis season, I should still have something to do. But I don’t like talking to people I don’t know. My mom says that I should make friends, but although I don’t have many friends, I don’t really want to make friends with the people in my grade. Some of them are really self-centered, loud, insensitive, and social-media obsessed. I could be wring and only see this side at school, but really, I don’t mind, unless they start bothering me. Then again, I can’t go up to people and ask to be friends. Usually, the other person instigates the friendship first. I don’t think I’m a very friendly person.

I had 2 friends from grades 5 to 7, now they are one of those loud, social-circle-is-huge, and self-centered people. But not as intense. But still, we have grown apart. I now have one friend. I’m not saying it’s not enough, but we don’t have many classes in common. We have only 1 out of 8 classes together. Maybe I should try to be more friendly, but the thing is, in class, I don’t talk a lot, and maybe because of that, no one talks to me. I might look terrifying, with a straight face most of the time. Hmm. I don’t really notice if I look scary or not. Hahaha. Anyway. I’m gonna organize a few things over this weekend, so see ya!

not the only one

School starts tomorrow. There is only going to be homeroom for half an hour and then I’m free to go. I spent the past 3 months doing actually nothing. I did a few pages of work from a book, I slept a lot, ate a lot, exercised less than moderately for less then often times a week, and perhaps made my eyesight worse. I got new glasses, although my eyesight did not worsen as much as I had thought, so that’s a good thing. I gained weight, which is probably healthy for a pubescent kid.

Looking at what I did in grade eight, I will think of a few things that I can do differently this year, in grade nine.

  1. Finish homework on the day it is assigned not the day in between. (I may not stick to this one…)
  2. Ask questions when I really need to.
  3. Try to be a bit more friendly. Nicer, I guess.
  4. Think about things more before doing anything.
  5. Try new things. Maybe a club or something?
  6. Be a bit more independent? For the future?
  7. Be more organized, keep track of my belongings so that I won’t lose them.
  8. Stop my bad habits.
  9. Sleep earlier…
  10. Wake up earlier on the weekends…

That’s about it, as I should sleep for the next day. School’s in 12-ish hours. Ahhhh. For now, I shall get organized and… yeah. See ya!

too wide

I drew a person with really wide shoulders, so I shaved them down. But it looks weird now. I’m just gonna not draw for the next twelve million years. Side profiles are hard to draw especially when you aren’t looking at any references. I’m not gonna draw anything, especially people.

School is to start in a week. That’s not good. I’m not prepared. Physically, with all supplies, I am. But I don’t really want to go back to school, even though it will leave me with something to do. I mean, either way I can’t stop myself from going there when the time comes.

Tomorrow I have table tennis practice and I don’t feel too well today. I don’t know if I will feel much better tomorrow, so I’ll figure it out tomorrow, when I get there. For now I will draw. Or write something. Until then!

what an art

This summer is feeling quite over. My cousin had been staying with us for the past 3 months due to something related to his university studies, so it was nice having him back for a while, as he was with us two years ago. He went back to his place yesterday, but while he was here, he made my post-grade-8 more fun by going outside (mainly Downtown…). He’s a more of a likes-to-go-out person than I am. Well. It was very fun for everyone who went out this year to see fireworks, especially for Gabey. He went out as well.

For a kid going into grade one, he is rather tall and large. I mean, I was pretty tall for my age when I was younger. I still am… but who knows what will happen over this summer, and how puberty will hit some people. Ha. Ha. Ha.

My sister will be in grade 12. That’s good, and sad. It’s the last year we’ll be in the same school, since who knows where either of us will go after high school. My brother seems so little when we talk about my sister. He’s only a first grader. And then there’s me. In the middle. Grade 9 seems like a relatively weird year, but not as weird as grade 8. Hopefully we can be less fake-nice to each other and more genuine-nice to each other. Also. I’m not scary. I may not talk that much in certain classes, I may have a dead expression, and I may seem a little intimidating due to everything I look like and my stature, but I’m good at listening. And not saying anything until you’re done. Hopefully I can make friends this year.

Until then. See ya!

unfinished for a while

I have 3 unfinished posts that range from last year to this March that are either stories, poems, or prose. I’m not sure of if I should even finish them to release them onto the web. Perhaps over this summer break I will bring myself to look at it again, fix and finish it. Unless I erase and delete the entire post before then. I’ll try not to delete the posts. And finish them. Hopefully.

I haven’t done much for the past month and I haven’t planned out anything for the next month, so… I’ve got everything under control. I haven’t planned out how I’m going to organize my stuff for school next year. I should start thinking about it. But who knows, I might get distracted again by TV shows and music.

I noticed that a lot of my posts are categorized under ‘Uncategorized’ even though there are other categories that are alongside it. I’m gonna stop doing that. Because it makes more sense this way.

I’ve been writing about a whole lot of nonsense these days. I keep starting a whole bunch of things with no purpose, then I abandon them. Maybe I could plan things out and give it a lot of thought before wasting materials and space. I feel sort of hesitant, bad, sad, and uncomfortable with the way things are for me. I want to do something cool, fun, and enjoyable. The thing is, I don’t know what makes me feel that way. Listening to music makes me feel something close to that, but I want to do more than just sit there and listen to music.

We’re making dumplings today, so I feel like I should help out. Sooooo, see you all next time!

movable type

I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things these days. I mean there isn’t much to do, but I have lots of random topics floating around my head.

At school, I’m not very good at being consistent towards people. I would act really nice and then after a while, joking, and then really mean and ignoring them. Or completely different from how I was before. I act very different depending on the person. Are all people like this or is this really weird? I’m not really sure. But then again, I’m not really sure of anything.

Anyways, yesterday, I got a haircut. I haven’t had one in about a year or maybe more. It’s not too short, it’s a little below my shoulders, but the front is shorter than the front. By the time I go back to school, it should be longer. It’s also thinner, so I can tie it up without a horsetail weighing my head back. The other time that I had table tennis practice, some person’s mother told me that at my school, many experienced and skilled players have graduated so it is up to the younger grades to uphold our reputation as champions, but last year, the farthest we got was third and my team got fifth. The boys side, I wasn’t too sure of, but it wasn’t very far up either. Hopefully we do better next year. Oh! That means we have to hold try-outs in… is it October or November? I don’t know but I’ll figure it out.

I should go to a tournament to get points and build up experience. But they are so terrifying. I hate seeing strangers and having to play against them. I just get uncomfortable. Last time I went to a tournament, I didn’t wear shorts, so I got yelled/scolded by the creepy old man referee. I was self-conscious that time about really short shorts, but now, I can wear shorts without thinking about them because I have built some self-confidence. I can’t wear skirts and crop tops without feeling slightly disgusted and self-conscious. I’m not comfortable wearing them in public. I have to wear a type of pants. I have the same feeling when I wear swimwear and go into the water. 🙁

Anyway, I have to get relatively early tomorrow, so I’ll end here and go sleep. Goodnight and see you next time!

the feeling of july

– [Healer] 힐러 OST –

Yesterday was Canada Day. It happened to be the 150th celebration, so many people were excited to celebrate it. I went with my sister and cousin to watch fireworks. My brother and my parents watched fireworks on the mountain; my brother was especially excited as he had never been outside at such a late hour. I found the busy streets of Downtown very unfamiliar. There are so many people, buildings, and shops; I was so fascinated by the buildings that I probably looked like a tourist among the others, even though I lived near there for all my life.

It is July and it sure feels like summer. Summer Vacation has started for a while now, but I have yet to immerse myself in some sort of work or productivity. So far, I have completed half a movie, a television series and a half, and I am planning on reading a book. A relatively reasonable length book. So that’s my plan. When I finish all those (all?), I may do something that seems close to something that I may do at school, like a… story, art work, or some reflection. Especially on what I am going to do next year when school starts all over again. Grade 8 was a lot faster than I had thought it would feel. Believe it or not, I am done with that grade. Grade 9 is what I’ll be when I am back in school. Grade 9 sounds like a bad year: I myself thought the grade 9’s of the year were quite annoying as they purposefully yelled, “EW, grade EIGHTS!”, because wow you have a great perception, and also the looks they tossed at some of my classmates were detestable. I mean, it’s not every person in that grade, but many are this way. There are a couple of grade 10s who still do these kinds of acts. Grade 8-10 sounds like bad years. But aren’t bad years meant to experience and learn from?

I have lots of thinking to do. For a very long time. Well then, see ya! ((:

yep it’s over. nvm

— [마지막처럼] BLACKPINK–

I’m kind of sick. Definitely uncomfortable. I think I have a lot of hatred. In a way. I hate a lot of things, I’m not super happy, optimistic, or positive. I also try and end up failing to change for the better. I think I consciously try to change into a better person (depends on what people want/expect but I really haven’t figured that out…), but I really don’t. I actually don’t try at all. And some people point it out. I’m trying, but it’s not working for me or anyone else.

ANYWAY. School’s over. Grade 8 is over. Report cards are out. I’m technically free to do whatever I want at home or outside. As I am a boring person with an ‘image’, I have nothing planned out. But that is fine. I’ll just go with the flow. 🙂

I’m gonna do some boring stuff so, bye. See ya!

 

blanked out

– [Miss Right] 방탄소년단 –

I just blanked out for a really long time; I just stared at an empty page on the computer without doing anything. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I’ve done some work, for example my art. I should do some of my math, but, I’m too lazy right now. Maybe I’ll do it later. I also have table tennis practice later. That means I should hurry up and do some work.

It’s almost Father’s Day. I don’t really talk about my family a lot. I’m not even sure if they read my blog, because if they do, I shouldn’t write what I feel about them on a public website like this. Typing is fun, but you know, safety first. I should make a Father’s Day card. Well, I’ll do that instead of my math project, just to feel a little more productive.

See ya!

(: in a still frame

Tomorrow there are actual things happening. I have P.E. that requires me to enter the water again. I really don’t want to. I really don’t. Aanyway. There is also the Sports Banquet. Semi-formal. Well, that’s new.

My current song is ‘I Smile’ by DAY6, and I really like it for some reason. Maybe because I haven’t smiled in a while, meaningfully. Well, isn’t that depressing. Tomorrow sounds depressing.

I should go now and prepare my stuff for tomorrow. Goodnight!