Posts

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movable type

I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things these days. I mean there isn’t much to do, but I have lots of random topics floating around my head.

At school, I’m not very good at being consistent towards people. I would act really nice and then after a while, joking, and then really mean and ignoring them. Or completely different from how I was before. I act very different depending on the person. Are all people like this or is this really weird? I’m not really sure. But then again, I’m not really sure of anything.

Anyways, yesterday, I got a haircut. I haven’t had one in about a year or maybe more. It’s not too short, it’s a little below my shoulders, but the front is shorter than the front. By the time I go back to school, it should be longer. It’s also thinner, so I can tie it up without a horsetail weighing my head back. The other time that I had table tennis practice, some person’s mother told me that at my school, many experienced and skilled players have graduated so it is up to the younger grades to uphold our reputation as champions, but last year, the farthest we got was third and my team got fifth. The boys side, I wasn’t too sure of, but it wasn’t very far up either. Hopefully we do better next year. Oh! That means we have to hold try-outs in… is it October or November? I don’t know but I’ll figure it out.

I should go to a tournament to get points and build up experience. But they are so terrifying. I hate seeing strangers and having to play against them. I just get uncomfortable. Last time I went to a tournament, I didn’t wear shorts, so I got yelled/scolded by the creepy old man referee. I was self-conscious that time about really short shorts, but now, I can wear shorts without thinking about them because I have built some self-confidence. I can’t wear skirts and crop tops without feeling slightly disgusted and self-conscious. I’m not comfortable wearing them in public. I have to wear a type of pants. I have the same feeling when I wear swimwear and go into the water. 🙁

Anyway, I have to get relatively early tomorrow, so I’ll end here and go sleep. Goodnight and see you next time!

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the feeling of july

– [Healer] 힐러 OST –

Yesterday was Canada Day. It happened to be the 150th celebration, so many people were excited to celebrate it. I went with my sister and cousin to watch fireworks. My brother and my parents watched fireworks on the mountain; my brother was especially excited as he had never been outside at such a late hour. I found the busy streets of Downtown very unfamiliar. There are so many people, buildings, and shops; I was so fascinated by the buildings that I probably looked like a tourist among the others, even though I lived near there for all my life.

It is July and it sure feels like summer. Summer Vacation has started for a while now, but I have yet to immerse myself in some sort of work or productivity. So far, I have completed half a movie, a television series and a half, and I am planning on reading a book. A relatively reasonable length book. So that’s my plan. When I finish all those (all?), I may do something that seems close to something that I may do at school, like a… story, art work, or some reflection. Especially on what I am going to do next year when school starts all over again. Grade 8 was a lot faster than I had thought it would feel. Believe it or not, I am done with that grade. Grade 9 is what I’ll be when I am back in school. Grade 9 sounds like a bad year: I myself thought the grade 9’s of the year were quite annoying as they purposefully yelled, “EW, grade EIGHTS!”, because wow you have a great perception, and also the looks they tossed at some of my classmates were detestable. I mean, it’s not every person in that grade, but many are this way. There are a couple of grade 10s who still do these kinds of acts. Grade 8-10 sounds like bad years. But aren’t bad years meant to experience and learn from?

I have lots of thinking to do. For a very long time. Well then, see ya! ((:

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yep it’s over. nvm

— [마지막처럼] BLACKPINK–

I’m kind of sick. Definitely uncomfortable. I think I have a lot of hatred. In a way. I hate a lot of things, I’m not super happy, optimistic, or positive. I also try and end up failing to change for the better. I think I consciously try to change into a better person (depends on what people want/expect but I really haven’t figured that out…), but I really don’t. I actually don’t try at all. And some people point it out. I’m trying, but it’s not working for me or anyone else.

ANYWAY. School’s over. Grade 8 is over. Report cards are out. I’m technically free to do whatever I want at home or outside. As I am a boring person with an ‘image’, I have nothing planned out. But that is fine. I’ll just go with the flow. 🙂

I’m gonna do some boring stuff so, bye. See ya!

 

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blanked out

– [Miss Right] 방탄소년단 –

I just blanked out for a really long time; I just stared at an empty page on the computer without doing anything. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I’ve done some work, for example my art. I should do some of my math, but, I’m too lazy right now. Maybe I’ll do it later. I also have table tennis practice later. That means I should hurry up and do some work.

It’s almost Father’s Day. I don’t really talk about my family a lot. I’m not even sure if they read my blog, because if they do, I shouldn’t write what I feel about them on a public website like this. Typing is fun, but you know, safety first. I should make a Father’s Day card. Well, I’ll do that instead of my math project, just to feel a little more productive.

See ya!

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(: in a still frame

Tomorrow there are actual things happening. I have P.E. that requires me to enter the water again. I really don’t want to. I really don’t. Aanyway. There is also the Sports Banquet. Semi-formal. Well, that’s new.

My current song is ‘I Smile’ by DAY6, and I really like it for some reason. Maybe because I haven’t smiled in a while, meaningfully. Well, isn’t that depressing. Tomorrow sounds depressing.

I should go now and prepare my stuff for tomorrow. Goodnight!

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hydrophobic

For P.E. tomorrow, we are required to enter the water in order to get a passing mark. However, I am slightly (or VERY) terrified of going into the water. It’s not that I’m self-conscious, I literally don’t like submerging myself in water. Another thing is that I don’t know how to swim and I don’t plan on learning anytime soon. I don’t like this.

Nothing really happens these days; all I’ve been doing nowadays is do a lot of homework, watch things to get my mind off of working, and maybe just listening to music and not doing anything. I should really clean up for the day and prepare for tomorrow, but I don’t like thinking about tomorrow. Why can’t I stay awake for the whole time and still not get tired? So I don’t have to worry about a night, waking up in the morning, and I can spend the whole nighttime doing whatever I want to. And I don’t have to do work, since it’ll be done in the day. Nighttime is my aesthetic. I really like nighttime, despite the fact that you can’t see anything when it’s dark.  Whatever, I’ll write something about darkness later when I have more time.

For now, I shall go, as my mother has advised me. Goodnight!

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we aren’t living

A busy intersection. The streets are filled with people despite the late hour.
This isn’t a special holiday, but why do you look so happy there?
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, don’t look back.

The hallways seem to crush me,
as I walk behind and see all your backs turned on me.
You forget me so easily, how were we ever together?
I hint at a ‘hello’
but you just keep walking and ignore my wave.
What happened?
Did we just drift apart?
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, the times we were together.

Do you remember what they said about us?
We were going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
You were going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
I was going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
But I didn’t. I thought we were going to be together through all this.
But you did. You met new people, made new friends, found better people.
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, just to forget yet again.

The same busy intersection. The same streets filled with people.
Except you’re not there.
Why can’t I see that you’re happy?
Walk by, wave, “hello,”, keep going.

“Hi.”

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accompanied loneliness

–[Lonely] 씨스타–

I am late again. By another day. You know, I try to have at least two posts in one month, but for the past two months, I suck at remembering to write. Well, here we are in June. I really dislike how we are already in our last month of school. There are only 21 more days until school is out. However I still have many things to do. I still have to edit and print my English simile poem. My poem somehow turned depressing. Again. Just like my ‘I am From’ poems. I still have to study for my Socials test for next week, and then there is one more unit to cover. My Science is almost coming to an end. Art is wrapping up, Math is in the last project, and the other classes are just things I don’t exactly focus on, like French, P.E., and Home Ec. I have a skills test tomorrow in Home Ec. Well. I nearly forgot.

I guess I am really lonely, even though there are people around. I mean, if I tell my family or my one really close friend, they’ll go, ‘it’s okay, you still have us.’ But, really, I still have a sense of loneliness. I always look at people’s backs, so if I switch places with them and I can’t see their backs, I feel scared. But when I see their backs, I feel left behind if I don’t catch up. I really don’t get what I want.

There is a Sports Banquet for all the Spring and Summer sports teams. Sometime next week. There is a dress code. I dislike having a restriction even if it is to look semi-formal. I don’t like wearing dresses, so I guess I’ll wear something half casual, but a little more fancy, like some random thing hiding in the back of my closet that is not something I usually wear. If I can find something like that. My friend is worrying about it, but then again, it is our first fancy event since entering high school.

Tomorrow is another day of looking at people’s backs. I guess I should go sleep and get back up in the morning. Well then, goodnight! I mean, see ya!

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demonstrations i

Well hello there. I was actually planning on writing something yesterday, before April ended, but. I ended up being late and now I have to write something in May. Well isn’t that weird.

My cousin is coming back to live with my family for a while today. I helped set up his sleeping area. It’s not really a room, it’s just a spot in the basement. Gabey has been quite excited. Right, I did all that today since I don’t have any school today. It’s a Goal Day. Grace had an AP exam today, so she should be  done by now. I’ve been working on my Science. We have to do a demo and explain how it works, why it works, and how it is applied in real life. For the other two days, I worked on and finished my Social Studies and English. In Socials we were working on the Protestant Reformation. This unit is quite interesting as I am a Catholic, and even though I heard of the other branches of Christianity, I never really figured out why some of them are there. I mean, I never actually went out there on purpose to figure it out. :)) In English, we are writing and analyzing poems. I’m not really good at poems, but I kind of have to raise my mark in this course to get an A. Ugghhh.

For now, I will work on my Science, and do what I usually do. Until I write again. See ya!

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flip

Heyy, I have neglected this for a while as I couldn’t find any thing to write about or even find the time and patience to write a whole post. I really haven’t done much. I did lots of school. I have a large test tomorrow for Socials Studies.

I have been thinking a lot recently. Am I afraid of being in the way of others achieving their goals? Am I being a pushover? I think I have accidentally become a pushover. People borrow my supplies all the time, ask to copy my homework, or to buy things (with the promise to pay me back). I mean, it’s not mean to me, it just makes me think, am I benefiting from my actions? I’ll… think about it over Summer Break, I don’t have time to think these days. Maybe I’ll find something, but for now, I will study. Well then, see you!